The "Venting" Myth

It is common knowledge that “venting” is good for us. “Go ahead,” people say, “get it off your chest.”

That “common knowledge” is a myth, an urban legend, an old-wives tale. Research on the subject tends to indicate the opposite. The more we talk about our frustrations, the more we reinforce them.

I knew that. I had read some of the research. But I made the mistake none-the-less. I have kept a diary for several years. Without realizing it, I began to use my diary as a form of venting. I recorded the negative, the insults, the failures, the times when I did not feel well. In fact, it seems that if I had a good day, I did not record it. Only the disasters were counted worthy of being recorded.

The result, according to the venting myth, should have been that I would have gotten these things off my mind. The reality was that I was reinforcing the negative emotions. I felt worse and worse. Finally, I realized that the diary was part of the problem, so I gave up keeping one.

Then someone suggested to me that I restart the diary, but this time I should record only success. I was urged to write down two or three things that went well, even at the end of a day when many things went wrong.

It was not easy to do this. At first it seemed dishonest; but I kept trying. I realized that it is no more dishonest to record the good and overlook the bad than it had been to record the bad while overlooking the good. Slowly it began to make a difference. Just as venting the negative had reinforced the negative, recording the positive began to reinforce the positive.

The research indicates the value of thinking on the good rather than the bad. My own experience has now confirmed it. But I should have known it all along, for it is the teaching of scripture.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8, ESV).