The Propinquity Effect

Research has shown that the more we interact with people, the more likely we are to become friends with them, be influenced by them, and become like them. It is not so much that “birds of a feather flock together” as “birds who just happen to be near each other grow similar feathers.” This is called the propinquity effect.

“Why might this research be important to us?” Well, aside from the fact that it confirms what we should already know from the Bible (1 Cor 15:33; Prov 13:20), it also tells us something about what will happen if we allow our children to grow up spending most of their time with non-Christians.

The propinquity effect is especially strong in youth. Since we no longer have arranged marriages, there is a very strong possibility that young men and young women will be attracted to one another simply because they find themselves thrown together often. I have known a number of young couples who did not have shared values or interests and yet decided to get married. Marriage is still expected of people at a certain age range. If, when they reach that age, there is no one around who shares their values and interests, they will often convince themselves that they are “in love” with someone who happens to be at hand – no matter the unsuitability of the mismatch. A few marriages like this work out, but most are disastrous.

Of course, we cannot guarantee that Christian camps or Christian schools, or Christian singles get-togethers will solve these problems. Perhaps it would be wise to talk with our youth about the propinquity effect. That will not solve the problem either, but at least it will give our youth a better chance.

Then again, maybe we should consider the possibility that we have all come under the propinquity effect. Is the church drifting from its moral and spiritual standards simply because we “flock together” so much with the world?