The "Venting" Myth

It is common knowledge that “venting” is good for us. “Go ahead,” people say, “get it off your chest.”

That “common knowledge” is a myth, an urban legend, an old-wives tale. Research on the subject tends to indicate the opposite. The more we talk about our frustrations, the more we reinforce them.

I knew that. I had read some of the research. But I made the mistake none-the-less. I have kept a diary for several years. Without realizing it, I began to use my diary as a form of venting. I recorded the negative, the insults, the failures, the times when I did not feel well. In fact, it seems that if I had a good day, I did not record it. Only the disasters were counted worthy of being recorded.

The result, according to the venting myth, should have been that I would have gotten these things off my mind. The reality was that I was reinforcing the negative emotions. I felt worse and worse. Finally, I realized that the diary was part of the problem, so I gave up keeping one.

Then someone suggested to me that I restart the diary, but this time I should record only success. I was urged to write down two or three things that went well, even at the end of a day when many things went wrong.

It was not easy to do this. At first it seemed dishonest; but I kept trying. I realized that it is no more dishonest to record the good and overlook the bad than it had been to record the bad while overlooking the good. Slowly it began to make a difference. Just as venting the negative had reinforced the negative, recording the positive began to reinforce the positive.

The research indicates the value of thinking on the good rather than the bad. My own experience has now confirmed it. But I should have known it all along, for it is the teaching of scripture.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8, ESV).

Two Severed Fingers

My grandfather owned a table saw. It was not a Delta, or a Craftsman, or DeWalt. It was a home-made table saw. Now I can highly recommend home-made bread, home-made peanut butter, and even home-made soap; but I have never seen a home-made table saw that I trusted. That saw was an accident waiting to happen.

A really nice table saw may cost between $500 and $2000. I do not know what my grandfather originally paid for his saw, but about 1967 it almost cost him two fingers. He was trying to rip a board when something slipped and he sliced the first two fingers of his left hand – severing them almost completely. [That much is true; the rest is parable.]

For years people had been telling him that they could keep the slightest of connections to the body of Christ and still manage to remain spiritually alive. So, my grandfather decided to test the claim. He asked the doctor to just stem the bleeding, but not to bother reconnecting the fingers to his hand. After all, if members can remain spiritually healthy while barely participating in the life of Christ’s body, why couldn’t two of the members of his physical body remain healthy while disconnected almost completely from his body?

His fingers died, of course. His body suffered for the loss of those fingers, of course. But it was a noble experiment and it proved what everyone should have known, that the health of a member always depends on the close connection of that member to the body.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it (1 Corinthians 12:27, ESV).

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned (John 15:4-6, ESV).

The Centrality of Truth

A Nigerian friend shared this information in a recent newsletter. He wrote,
“When the late Wendell Broom paid his last visit to Nigeria, he made this statement, ‘NIGERIA IS GOING TO BE THE CENTRE OF RELIGION.’ That statement has become a very big challenge to me and many others.
1. Would it be a Religious Centre and a place of worshiping God ignorantly as the people of Athens?
2. Would it be a Centre of entertainment in the name of worship?
3. Would it be a Centre or a place to worship God in vain because of teaching the doctrine of men?”

To many people, religion is all about stirring the emotions. But for Jesus, a saving faith is grounded in revealed truth. Those who do not have, or are not interested in the truth, are lost – even though they may worship enthusiastically. Jesus said, “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men” (Matthew 15:8-9, ESV).

Ignorance does not save. Sincerity does not save. Those who “know not God” are not saved by not knowing him; they are lost thereby according to the scriptures (2 Thess 1:8). Saul of Tarsus was as sincere as he could be when he clung to Judaism, but he was still in his sins until baptized into Christ (Acts 22:16). It is not any and all forms of religion that will save. If we are saved, we are saved “by obedience to the truth” (1 Peter 1:22).

A church should be many things. The church is pictured as the bride of Christ, the family of God, and as the kingdom of heaven. There are emotions involved in our work and our worship; and there certainly should be enthusiasm involved. But the revealed truth of God’s word must always be central.

Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding. (Proverbs 23:23, ESV)

Expecting the Best

Many years ago, I heard an old friend ask his son a simple question. The father was looking at the son’s report card. I do not know if the grades were high or low. I did not see the report card. All the father said was, “Did you do your very best?” The son admitted that he had not done his best all the time. The father then replied, “Well I expect you to do your best.”

I had a father like that too. He did not expect of me what I was incapable of doing; but he did expect me to do my best, every day, at every task.

Some people, who did not really know him, thought that my father was an angry and overly demanding person. Perhaps he was not what would be called handsome; and his looks may have contributed to the impression that he was angry. But I think that the impression came mainly from the fact that he expected people to do their best – and let them know that he was not happy if they failed to do their best. People do not accept that approach these days. The old saying, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well, is rarely heard now.” That is a shame.

It is the father who accepts second best who is failing his children. The father too lazy or disinterested to call for the best from his children is the one who lacks love. The father who expects their best effort is the one who truly loves his children.

We should expect the best effort from our children. Church leaders should expect the best efforts from church members. Friends should call upon friends to do their very best. We should not expect of people what they are incapable of doing. But neither should we ever accept half-hearted effort.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24, ESV).

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ (Colossians 3:23-24, ESV).
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:15-16, ESV).

Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall (2 Peter 1:10, ESV).

Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace (2 Peter 3:14, ESV).

Seasons

I took a brief walk a few minutes ago. It is a beautiful day. Perfect weather for late Spring. A question occurred to me as I walked.

It is well-known that modern Americans (and Westerners in general) are fighting levels of depression unknown in previous generations. Could it be that the lack of seasons in our lives contributes to this? Now, you may be tempted to ask, “What do you mean ‘lack of seasons’? Don’t we have four seasons, just like we always did?”

No, I do not think that we do have four seasons, just like we always did. Our houses are kept at about 68 to 72 degrees, year-round. We still have snow in this part of the world, but with our cars, plows, and snow blowers, winter is no longer the battle it was. It gets hot in the summer, yes, but we retreat indoors, turn on the air conditioning, get ice from our freezers and are soon quite comfortable. Food comes from the supermarket, not from the garden. They cycle of seedtime and harvest has been broken for most of us. From the point of view or our ancestors, we no longer have yearly seasons.

Emotionally, we tend to reject the seasons of life. Children are forced to face grownup decisions too soon; they react by then acting like children once they become legally adult. We often see grandmothers dressed like schoolgirls, and hear grandfathers talking like teens.

Could it be that the lack of seasons in our lives contributes to our instability, uncertainty, to many of the social and emotional problems of this generation? I am not going to claim to know the answer. Somehow, I think just asking the question might be enough.

The Everlasting Future

Rudyard Kipling was not, and did not claim to be, a Christian. But occasionally he said things that Christians cannot help but admire. Here is one such gem.

“And since he cannot spend nor use aright
The little time here given him in trust,
But wasteth it in weary undelight
Of foolish toil and trouble, strife and lust,
He naturally clamours to inherit The Everlasting Future"

We are saved by grace, not works (Eph 2:1-9). We are saved by what Christ has done for us, not by what we are doing. But we were created for good works (Eph 2:10); and are commanded to use our time wisely (Eph 5:15-16). How are we doing? Is it reasonable of us to expect an everlasting future when we waste so much of the time given to us here?

If we have given our children watermelon and found that they waste it by throwing it at one another, what will we do when they later cry for something cool to eat? Will we waste more watermelon on them? Why would God grant eternal life on those who have wasted the limited life that he has given them? Only because of his grace. Only because of his grace. Only because of his grace.

None of us will enter glory having perfectly used our time down here; but could we not get into a little better practice? Could we not spend a bit less time on “weary undelight of foolish toil and trouble, strife and lust” and more time in “working heartily as for the Lord and not as for men” (Col 3:23)?

The Ikea Effect

A recent BBC article spoke of “the Ikea effect.” To sum the article up, people value things more if they put some effort into the items. In fact, research seems to indicate that many people will pay more for furniture they must assemble than for a similar item already assembled. That into which we put little or no effort will normally be dissatisfying to us. That into which we have put significant effort, we will value.

It is also true that, when we put significant effort into something, other people are more interested in it.

Last Thursday a man named Dean Oliver came by my office. I had not seen Dean in forty-four years. As we talked the clock on my desk chimed the hour, which led to a question and to a walk across to the house so that Dean could see the first clock that I ever built. He was not interested in seeing a clock purchased at Walmart, but something I had worked on with my own hands interested him.

How valuable is the church to you? How interested are your friends in knowing about the church? There may not be a simple and direct correlation, but the answer to those two questions will relate closely to the question of how much effort we put into the church.

Araunah the Jebusite offered to give King David a piece of land, and some animals for sacrifice, but David replied, “I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing” (2 Sam 24:24). What are we offering to the Lord? Do we have any “sweat equity” in the church? If we are not satisfied with the church, could it be because we have put little effort into it?